Live by living!

First of all, Happy New Year!!

Though, the start of the New Year has been plagued by sadness. Just 5 days into indoor posting and I lost my first patient. It is very unfortunate and disturbing. He was 67yrs old, non-ambulatory patient of Pemphigus vulgaris also on ATT for pulmonary Koch's. He had been in the hospital for past 1month, had received blood transfusion and was due for another today. His high dose steroid regime wasn't too favourable for his present condition but then I'm no one to point fingers. Though, death by all means is inevitable but then medicines and medical professionals do have a role to play in modifying this inevitable.

As a doctor, maybe,I can't beat myself for not being that well informed about his history and a casual approach (even if it wasn't). But it did come as a rude shock! And it made me realise how important a physician's duty is towards his patient. When they say,' Doctors can't make mistakes', perhaps, they are right. We certainly, don't have any right to play with a patient's life just because we were too busy getting a manicure done or too lazy to get out of bed! We chose this life so along with the perks we should by all means be ready to face the responsibilities and sacrifice that come along.

Today someone lost a husband, father and brother. He might not have been able to give them a parting gift but... he did give me one! I wholeheartedly thank him and pray that God gives his family strength to face this reality.

He might have touched many lives during his lifetime and even when he is gone... he remains my inspiration and my motivation.

May his soul rest in peace!

Happy New Year 2011

Though the New Year's Eve wasn't as happening as I wanted it to be but nevertheless I was totally content with the year that just passed by. And I'm so glad that I don't have to welcome 2011 with uncertainty as I had to last year!

Life is beautiful!

On a serious note, I resolve to make my 2011 even better than 2010. More studies, more gyming and a much more positive and happier me :)

Happy New Year! 2011 here I come :)

Wicked!

While surfing on the net stumbled upon this funny statement:

"Do you have verbal diarrhoea, or are you ACTUALLY INSANE?"

To my love...

And finally I parted with my beloved mobile- N73! It had been there with me for past 4 years. Had seen me through all the testing times. The ups and down of life. I never thought it would leave me alone like this. I'm sad. Devastated actually. Totally lost. And I'm totally clueless about where it could be.

Life is so unfair. *sigh*

I can't imagine holding on to another cell phone other than my N73! Hope god sees me through this tough time and gives me the strength to bear the pain.

And may my N73 live peacefully wherever it is and may it get all the happiness in the world. I loved you and will always love you till my last breath. And I miss you like crazy! :'(

The race is on...

When I plunged into this race, I didn't know it would get so disappointing at some point of time and that too this early! The defeat gets to you! It really does! What seemed perfect earlier seems distorted now. I guess V* was right, choosing strong words for defeat, even if it is others hits you harder.
This trade is not that easy as I thought it would be. But then nothing is.

Ah! Why am I writing such depressing posts of late!
I think what I need is a change of mood. Change of place. Change of focus.
Let change come to me or let me go towards change.

Cheers!

New beginning...

It is time! Yes, time for me to move on. To leave the past defeats behind and welcome a new beginning with open arms. So far, I've had a jittery start with a goof up at the counselling venue which I'm finding too hard to forget! How could I have been so absent minded. Sometimes, I surprise myself.
Though Patna was my first choice amongst the options available but still I've my reservations regarding it. Courtesy, public opinion about the place! I guess I'll have to take a FB sabbatical yet again to prevent myself from drowning in the pool of comments.
This 3 month long break has really taken a toll on me. I seem to have forgotten most of the subject matter . I'm scared. Apprehensive. Lost. Excited. All at the same time.
Though, I'll be just 1hr 20 minutes away from home but there is much I'll be leaving behind for 3 yrs. I didn't cry while going to MRU but this time I'm sure I will.
There are times we earnestly wish for something and when we receive the gift, we wonder if this is what we always wanted!?

Okay, I know I should stop ranting and just enjoy the journey.

Reality Shock!

I haven't been reading the newspapers for a long time now. I used to enjoy going through the mindless sections of the supplement earlier but have convinced myself to overlook them as well. The reason being that the print media hardly publish anything that would be of remote importance to me and without which I would die! And since I get all the updates on the net I don't care to give the 25 page modern literature even a passing glance. Also, it was only adding to the negativity I was trying to overlook.

But today since I chanced to read the newspaper, front page carried an article about a 14yr old child prodigy who had topped the JEE exam in Delhi this year. Reading further, I realized that I knew less than what I feel, I ought to be knowing! Reality hit me like a bolt of lightening. So here I am trying to rediscover and improvise my writing skills. I have thus decided to feed myself new words everyday and read extensively!

And as has been said: A person's success is directly proportional to his vocabulary!

So watch out for the soon to be successful Dermatologist :-D!

Dejected

I wrote this post last year, post entrance exam results, but didn’t publish it on the blog. Now, I believe is the perfect time to do so. Here it goes:

It’s been more than one yr since I last updated my blog!! Reason? Too many to list down. But the most important amongst them being exams.

I had finally got over with med school in Dec 2007. And it sure was a very memorable yr for me. It was the same yr I met Dee ( Dearra ). Never in my life had I come across such a high spirited girl. She was 10 on 10 in everything. Perfect figure, perfect features, perfect singer, perfect guitarist, perfect cook and a very perfect friend. She calls me her angel but the truth is that she is the ANGEL. Oh! I miss her! The times I spent with her I can never forget. Sunz, jayna, Dee and I had a hell of a time back then! Good times.

So, in the final year of med school I just wanted to enjoy. After getting a distinction and rank the previous year my mind was at rest. Since it had silenced my critics and some incorrigible lads, I didn’t want anything more. I didn’t put much effort this time as opposed to the 3^rd prof. But when I got my result I was unhappy as I missed the 3^rd rank by 3 marks and had to settle for the 4^th rank. That tiny bit of effort could have made wonders. I had no regrets. But now, when I look back I realize how important a tiny bit of effort is. And in retrospection, I now think that this is what has been keeping me down my entire life! A very negative statement but I think it needed to come out.

I came back home. Started with coaching classes for MCI screening exam. Cleared it in March and the very next day I started with internship. It was hectic! My very own batch mates, who I had spent 5years with, started calling me a cheater, some said I had paid money for starting internship so early, others were hell bent on proving it illegal and some even went to National Board to confirm if it. But they came back dejected.

Not many of you know but Internship in the initial days was a HORROR! So much so that I used to come back crying every single day and wanted to leave it. I had never imagined that being a Foreign Medical Graduate was such a serious CRIME! Though, I’m still living the horror but now I have got a bit impervious to the comments. So if anyone of you is preparing for pre medical tests and planning to go abroad please be ready to face REALITY when you come back.

Then, I started preparing for exams, it didn’t go that well initially but later it was better. I always had Nivs , Shix and my family for support. And I must thank them all for being there for me in those hard times. And now, that I’m over with most exams and have a not so decent rank 365 in Manipal and not so decent score of 124 in COMED-K in my hand, and still to go for the counseling. I’m wondering where did I go wrong? Or rather where have I been going wrong all this time? Why me? Will this ever end? Am I cut out for the competition? Do I have faith on myself…which everyone says I should have? Will I ever be able to prove myself? No, I don’t have to prove anything to anyone but myself...but still. Was it, the tiny bit of effort that was missing or a lot of it? I’m starting to doubt myself as I did 5yrs back. And as I type this I look for answers within me. I’m confused. Lost. Dejected. And sad. When will my time come? When? When? Will it ever come?

PS: The only reason why I wrote this post was to help me get a grip over myself. And now, having done that I’m feeling much better. Lol.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the time has indeed come when I too can walk with my head held high for I have proved to myself that I do have the spark within me and courage to face a challenge. If anyone of you has ever faced a failure or are facing one, do remember this is not the end of life; but rather it’s the beginning of a new beginning! With conviction, dedication and a positive attitude you can achieve what you now feel is unachievable. I did it and so can anyone. So, shine on…

Move over and make way for the future Dermatologist! :-)

I'm High! High on life!

Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
Guess what! I got through AIPGE! Ahhhh!!! Ahhhh!!! And I'm running out of exclamation marks. LOL.

This is one day I do not ever want to erase from my memory. It is one of those days I want to keep re-rewinding!
Let me start from the beginning. After giving the exam I thought I might get a rank but wasn't that sure. I kept rechecking the answers from the various forums on Rx PG but was still doubtful. I expected 55-62% but apparently people said the cut off would be around 55% and that gave me the jitters. LOL.

Today, I had mixed feelings. I thought I might get a rank if I was lucky and if I would it would be in late 3000s. To save myself from all the anxiety I went off to Gurgaon with Mom and V*. Came back around 6.30pm and then I had to face reality. Mom told me to be brave and just believe in God. And then somehow I gathered some strength to view my result. The offical site for the result was not opening. So I then decided to open Rx. I was too scared to type my surname in the search so decided to go with the initial four letters of my name. And BANG! There it was... my NAME! In the list of selected candidates! I started crying! I was howling actually. Everything was static! I couldn't believe what I saw! Ahhhhh! I didn't know what to do. What to say. I was num. I just kept on crying. Meanwhile my mom tried reassuring me that I wasn't dreaming and indeed this was it. Finally! Finally! I was through! LOL.
The feeling is yet to sink in though.

I'm HIGH! High on life.

I'm HIGH. High on life.
And this feeling is intoxicating!

Ah! 20 days left! Hectic hey! Totally freakin out! Tryin to seek some moral support but all my best friends seem to be away :-(
I do realize now that YOU have to fight your own battles!
No worries, this too shall pass :-)

Yes, it will.
So here's to 360hrs of endless battle! Cheers!

On a lighter note. I received a forwarded message which left me laughing for over an hour!
Enjoy. Here it is :

Ram chandra keh gaye siya se ,
aisa kalyug bhi aega,
jab patient ko bhagvan hi bachega....


Aur doctor to bas MCQ karta reh jaega....

It's been more than two years since I last updated my blog! Well, I guess its a record of sorts. LOL. Since its a very challenging time for me I thought writing a post would cheer me up and motivate me enough to start all over again :-).


After all,

Success seems to be largely a matter of HANGING ON after others have let go.
- William Feather

B'day

Age is only but a NUMBER! A dear dear friend says it and says it loud and clear!
I protest when they say I matured because I still feel like a kid from inside! And Oh! How much I love being one!
The cliched statement-' I'm a child trapped inside an adult's body' is worth a mention here!
For ...! It is was my HAPPY HAPPY B'DAY a couple of days back!
And did I make most out of the day? Yeah I did! As the clock ticked away the day got more merry!
The excitement abt the D-day started more that a week before. And who do I need to thank for that? In alphabetical order- Ann, Dee, Geets, Nivs, Shix, Sunz, Tarj and Mom, dad n bro!
I did extensive shoppin for my B'day and I guess so did everyone else!
It was one memorable day and the happy faces in the pictures we clicked say it all.

Adventure Begins...

After a very very long sabbatical, I'm back to update my blog!

Hmmm...nearly a month back we went to Adventure Park , Midlands. And it is one experience that I'm always going to boast of. Before that day, never in my dreams also, I had imagined that I would go rafting, fishing and kayaking!!
Yes, we did all that and even more!! (Plz don't stretch your imagination on that statement!)

It was 'Apatchi' v/s ' Top Gun'.....
But no matter whosoever won the the following sports, all of us rejoiced. It was Fun all the way!! First we started by Trekking.... the breathtaking views, challenging terrain and captivating wilderness set the scene for this challenging and fun adventure. The Apatchis' hands down won. They reached the destination much before we could imagine!

High on victory, they very easily and convincingly took us in the next activity that was fishing! No regrets... for I managed to catch 3 Fishes myself...and that was an achievement!! To hook the earthworms as the bate with bare hands and with no means of sterilization or disinfection nearby and not even the thought of it on our minds.

It was time for Rafting now and also the time for us to fight back!! And WE finally came out victorious!

We lined up for Kayaking next. It was going to be a relay. Sunz gave us a brilliant start, she steered her way back before our opponent could even cross half way. Aysh and S* did their part of the job. It was left on Nirv* now. Wind did get in between her way but with help from Shikh* she managed to pull the victory!

Last event of the day was Archery. We had to face tough competition from our opponents but in the end, WE WON again.
And what more, I was able to hit right on target at the first attempt!

So, the final score was 3-2 in our favour!!

But all this would have been impossible had it not been for one person, Fads. she organised the entire trip. Faced the blunt of all the controversies but came out victorious as our Captain!!
Cheers, Fads!

I would also like to mention a note of thanks to everyone who made the day memorable and funfilled. In alphabetical order- Ackmez, Aysh, Fads, Gurmeet, Madeven, Nimmy, Nirvana, Payal, Sankar, Shikar, Shruti J, Shruti M, Suhaib, Sunaina and Vishant.

Play on, guys......

I do...

Its been said, 'Actions speak, louder than words'. But I feel the other way around!
So here is my another immature attempt at poetry on a not so fine day!...

I don't know...
For what I bleed
But I do..!

Unaware, lost, wanderin...
I walk, don't know where to,
But I do!!

My eyes tell stories...
Those unheard!
And to them, I cling on.

Behind the friendly banter...
I hide, for what i don't know.
But I do.

For they wish,
I breathe, as they command!
I don't want to.
But, still I do!

I feel ashamed.
For reasons, I don't have to.
But, I do!

I wait for a Happy Ending..
I still wait, don't know why,
But I do!

I pray, I wish, I hope...
And, I beg
To set myself free.
Yes, I do!

Article- News on sunday

When I wrote the post about my walk to Ganga Talao earlier. I thought of sending it to 'News on Sunday' a local English newspaper published in Mauritius.
I was a bit reluctant initially then after some thought into it, I finally decided to send the article...
And guess what, it got published! I was elated!

Holi Hai!!

Have colour! Will play!
Technically, this was my last Holi on this Island. And was one of the best. But the celebrations weren't that grand this time. Till about half past 10 in the morning the place looked dead. But then thanks to some high spirited juniors, colours were splashed all around.
I had been awaiting Holi like any other festival with loads of excitement! Not to be influenced by some incorrigible lads who never seem to have anything positive to say about FUN filled days like these. But do they wish I care? Even if they do, I really don't.
So Tarj, our unoffical sponsor for the Holi colours; SM, our partner in crime and I; were the first few to step into the battle field. And what happened next is history!... Drenched lots amongst us with mud, colour, smashed eggs, shoe polish, diluted shampoo greeting everyone with more of it.
It was a moment worth capturing...
But the story was different for the opposite gender most of whom were dragged and thrown into mud...and oh!! Did that taste nice?? Well, I'm not the right person to answer that :-p
In all it was another enjoyable day...
So play on.....
PS: Sunz and G*, it would have been more fun with ya guys around!! Missed ya!

A Walk to Remember

No, this post is not a review of the book and movie of the same title. The movie which has been one of my all time favorites; one I had chanced to watch on HBO while channel surfing.

Rather the 'WALK' in the fore mentioned title is that to Grand Bassin on 15^th February. Yes, you read it right, we walked almost 30km* to Grand Bassin! And, I'm still ALIVE!

Maha Shivratri is celebrated in a grand grand way in Mauritius; and in a much more grand way than one can imagine!! People walk to Grand Bassin/ Ganga Talao, one of the chief religious spot from every part of the Island. Be it the rain or the scorching sun nothing seems to drive down their spirits. And,I haven't seen the number declining in the past 4 yrs! Though, I never did opportune my self to be a part of the pilgrims. But this year, technically my last on this Island; things were a bit different or should I rather say, a LOT different.

We, ie Sunz and I, had decided to cover the journey on foot; though, a few others had also thought of joining us but a couple of days before, they had a change of plans. So, now it was left on us to carry on with it. And, never did we give a thought to, backing off.

So, after a good night's sleep, we set out in the morning. Here, I would not forget to mention a note of thanks to Sunz for bearing with my tantrums and apprehension before the start of the journey. Though, I had got reassurance from all ends owing to my, very high tendency of falling into a hypoglycemic state. [ Mom, if you are reading this, then the situation isn't as grave as your imagination stretches to, with mention of 'hypoglycemic state'; I'm just being a bit melodramatic!!.... I'm fine.... Eating well]. Still, I was a bit uncertain about my chances of covering the entire distance on foot. And as for Sunz, since she had done it a couple of times before, so it was yet another trip for her. Though, this time it was going to be a longer one, since we decided to walk from Belle Rive rather than Curepipe.

As we headed on, we saw many colourful processions, on the other side of the road. And enthusiastic but tried, groups of people returning back. We kept going, without halt until we reached the ' Millennium Monument' which was our first stop. From there we had a breath taking view of the area, we had been living around since the past 4 yrs!! And,never did we take out time from our mundane routine to appreciate the beauty, amidst which we had been living!! And apparently, this monument corresponds to the center of the Island and was inaugurated on 31^st Dec,1999!

Our second halt was at Curepipe, where we hurriedly had some potato wedges and Pepsi, to energize ourselves. We then crossed Winners ( a super mart) and few other shops and houses on the way, to reach a long wide road, which seemed to be never ending. We had been walking for almost 3 and a half hours now. The road got wider and we were able to spot many more processions, pilgrims and stalls on the way. There were acres of sugarcane plantation on the either side of the road and way beyond stood huge mountains with their empowering dominance. The picturesque surroundings were worth admiring.

What followed were occasional showers, shoe bites, greetings & reassurance from fellow pilgrims, stalls with goodies, Mare-aux-vacoas Reservoir, new musical compositions by us, cool breeze, fatigue, reassurance again, constant inquiries by us about the distance left and a never ending road.....

But we were nearing Gangs Talao now, our legs were failing us,we had been walking for more than 6 hrs!!
In the fog, when we vaguely spotted the huge statue of Shivji from far, we shrieked with joy!! FINALLY! FINALLY! We were THERE!

The trip back, is yet another story!!... of which, I may never write.... but will always remember.....

And before ending this post, I would like to thank many friends for their concern, few amongst them being Ann, Asha, Nad and Tarj [ in alphabetical order]. And, I owe an apology, thanks and gratefulness to someone for whom I hold high regards and respect. Also a prayer and good wishes & luck to the person who helped us sail through......

And, thanks to Sunz, my friend, companion and guide on this adventurous trip without whom this 'walk to remember' would never have been possible. Thx a million, babes!!