I wrote this post last year, post entrance exam results, but didn’t publish it on the blog. Now, I believe is the perfect time to do so. Here it goes:
It’s been more than one yr since I last updated my blog!! Reason? Too many to list down. But the most important amongst them being exams.
I had finally got over with med school in Dec 2007. And it sure was a very memorable yr for me. It was the same yr I met Dee ( Dearra ). Never in my life had I come across such a high spirited girl. She was 10 on 10 in everything. Perfect figure, perfect features, perfect singer, perfect guitarist, perfect cook and a very perfect friend. She calls me her angel but the truth is that she is the ANGEL. Oh! I miss her! The times I spent with her I can never forget. Sunz, jayna,
So, in the final year of med school I just wanted to enjoy. After getting a distinction and rank the previous year my mind was at rest. Since it had silenced my critics and some incorrigible lads, I didn’t want anything more. I didn’t put much effort this time as opposed to the 3rd prof. But when I got my result I was unhappy as I missed the 3rd rank by 3 marks and had to settle for the 4th rank. That tiny bit of effort could have made wonders. I had no regrets. But now, when I look back I realize how important a tiny bit of effort is. And in retrospection, I now think that this is what has been keeping me down my entire life! A very negative statement but I think it needed to come out.
I came back home. Started with coaching classes for MCI screening exam. Cleared it in March and the very next day I started with internship. It was hectic! My very own batch mates, who I had spent 5years with, started calling me a cheater, some said I had paid money for starting internship so early, others were hell bent on proving it illegal and some even went to National Board to confirm if it. But they came back dejected.
Not many of you know but Internship in the initial days was a HORROR! So much so that I used to come back crying every single day and wanted to leave it. I had never imagined that being a Foreign Medical Graduate was such a serious CRIME! Though, I’m still living the horror but now I have got a bit impervious to the comments. So if anyone of you is preparing for pre medical tests and planning to go abroad please be ready to face REALITY when you come back.
Then, I started preparing for exams, it didn’t go that well initially but later it was better. I always had Nivs , Shix and my family for support. And I must thank them all for being there for me in those hard times. And now, that I’m over with most exams and have a not so decent rank 365 in Manipal and not so decent score of 124 in COMED-K in my hand, and still to go for the counseling. I’m wondering where did I go wrong? Or rather where have I been going wrong all this time? Why me? Will this ever end? Am I cut out for the competition? Do I have faith on myself…which everyone says I should have? Will I ever be able to prove myself? No, I don’t have to prove anything to anyone but myself...but still. Was it, the tiny bit of effort that was missing or a lot of it? I’m starting to doubt myself as I did 5yrs back. And as I type this I look for answers within me. I’m confused. Lost. Dejected. And sad. When will my time come? When? When? Will it ever come?
PS: The only reason why I wrote this post was to help me get a grip over myself. And now, having done that I’m feeling much better. Lol.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the time has indeed come when I too can walk with my head held high for I have proved to myself that I do have the spark within me and courage to face a challenge. If anyone of you has ever faced a failure or are facing one, do remember this is not the end of life; but rather it’s the beginning of a new beginning! With conviction, dedication and a positive attitude you can achieve what you now feel is unachievable. I did it and so can anyone. So, shine on…
