First of all, Happy New Year!!
Though, the start of the New Year has been plagued by sadness. Just 5 days into indoor posting and I lost my first patient. It is very unfortunate and disturbing. He was 67yrs old, non-ambulatory patient of Pemphigus vulgaris also on ATT for pulmonary Koch's. He had been in the hospital for past 1month, had received blood transfusion and was due for another today. His high dose steroid regime wasn't too favourable for his present condition but then I'm no one to point fingers. Though, death by all means is inevitable but then medicines and medical professionals do have a role to play in modifying this inevitable.
As a doctor, maybe,I can't beat myself for not being that well informed about his history and a casual approach (even if it wasn't). But it did come as a rude shock! And it made me realise how important a physician's duty is towards his patient. When they say,' Doctors can't make mistakes', perhaps, they are right. We certainly, don't have any right to play with a patient's life just because we were too busy getting a manicure done or too lazy to get out of bed! We chose this life so along with the perks we should by all means be ready to face the responsibilities and sacrifice that come along.
Today someone lost a husband, father and brother. He might not have been able to give them a parting gift but... he did give me one! I wholeheartedly thank him and pray that God gives his family strength to face this reality.
He might have touched many lives during his lifetime and even when he is gone... he remains my inspiration and my motivation.
May his soul rest in peace!
1 comment:
hey niru i totally understand what you must be going through. i had almost the same feeling when i saw and experienced the first death during my internship, that had occurred during my OBG posting.
i am saying almost, cause i feel that i am in general a little disconnected from my patients. not to say that i dont care about them but to say that i dont carry too much of it on my mind.
some may crticise me for being rude or insensitive but i guess to live a sane life as a doctor who has to maintain a certain mental equilibrium, nehaviour/character is definitely called for. having said so, i donot mean to imply that people should shrug responsibilites or at the other end stop enjoying life at all.
a doctor after all is a human too.
you may be thinking that i am in a not so emergent branch where emergencies are not life threatening as such. true. but i am dealing with a vital sense organ- the eye. so while it gives me immense pleasure when my patients achieve good post-op visual acuity or are finally treated for a reversible cause of blindess, my heart also bleeds when due to some reason my patients donot reach the degree of visual rehabilitation that is required even for everyday living!! at that moment when i imagine the person sitting infront of me not being able to even do day to day activities i have a look of despair. but i have to wipe it of the next instant so as to be able to do justice to the next patient i am going to deal with.
at the risk of sounding ambivalent i just want to say that its a rollerocoaster ride for us too, its just that while people other walks of life are used to rides of "appu ghar" we are being thrown towards the rides of "disney world"!!
Post a Comment